Saturday, February 11, 2012

Goodbye Argentina

"I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually without even noticing it, live your way into the answer..." rainer maria rilke
I used to believe that one day I would put a white dress on, and in a single moment, give my heart away. But as many ideas we discover to be illusions as we journey through life, I have slowly found that this is not the case. If to love is to be vulnerable, then love is something given away year by year. The deepest pain is seeded in the reality that a large part of our heart has been distributed before we are aware of it.
As if once upon a time, my heart existed as a mirror which served only to reflect my own ego. Looking back, the truth has surfaced that my heart was indeed, in the beginning, fully mine. But the mirror has been shattered. Piece by piece, I have given my heart away. How strange it is to arrive at a place in life where I see the necessity in grieving each piece in order to find peace.
Maybe even stranger, I have discovered that part of my heart has been given to a country.