wasted time

"What good with it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?" Matthew 16:26

Last weekend my parents had some missionaries over for lunch who my mother has been friends with for many years. They talked about the trials they have been facing in Europe and North Africa and how much they needed prayer from the churches here. But what I found interesting was a comment the wife had made. She talked about how they had gone to church that morning and found it to be a weird experience. She said that it was funny how church seemed to be so much of a social event that only happened for about an hour then ended. "You know" she commented "church is suppose to be a lifestyle." Now it's not like I hadnt heard this before, but coming from someone who it really was a lifestyle for it meant a lot. Being a christian for them is about sacrificing their wants and desires daily. To suffer is really to love. I dont even know how to suffer. All I have done for the last two weeks is nothing but waste my life. Its so hard to make that jump, to truly give up everything, when you already feel like you are serving. But its still not enough. It doesnt fulfill. Its like I am still holding on but oh.. how I want to let go.