This morning I woke up after only a few hours of sleep and asked myself, "Did last night really happen?" There are some experiences that should never be put into words. My only comment is that I have never been in a position where I have prayed for God to take a child's life unless He immediately intervened. Sitting beside my bed last night, I fought so hard not to sleep. I was so tired but I did not want to close my eyes and see the image that will forever be burned into my memory. I did not want to dream and I did not want to wake up in the morning with the overwhelming feeling of being dirty.
Yesterday morning we discussed how our words either bring life or death. Because of the nature of entropy in which our world exists, every person and everything is constantly headed towards destruction. The human heart is headed towards hardness, and the main way to prevent the hard from becoming hard is by speaking words of truth.
I never thought that I would come to such a dark place where words of love were the absolute only thing I had to give someone who was suffering.
Finding myself on the curb of a street hysterically crying "God where are?" Is a humbling place to be. Oh God, Where are you?
Today I visited a new church. During the middle of worship, a young woman came up to me along with the minister and started speaking words over me. "God wants me to tell you that He is with you. Although you feel like God has left you, He is still with you." She told me that God had given her an image for me of a mountain with a curving road and a bike explaining that it signified my life's path. She said that I do not know the next step and that I am worried about the direction of my life. "But dont worry because God only sees a straight path so just trust him." How bizarre. Its in moments like this that I realize that even in life's darkest moments, God still speaks powerfully.
1 comment:
so encouraging to read this caroline! i was just praying for you last week that God would speak directly to you, in a personal way! So this is an answer to prayer. the same thing has happened to me so many times, in fact, one of the main reasons i turned to god was because someone came up to me and bascially answered the very thoughts i had been thinking to myslef. i was at life group and i was wondering if i really belonged there, if i even belonged to god-maybe i was too different for god. she tapped me on the shoulder in that moment and said, i feel like god wants me to tell you that you belong here, and you belong with God!! Isn't that amazing? but at the same time, why should we be so surprised when the supernatural happens, this is God were talking about!?! the world belongs to god it is no trouble for him to sit back and pull the strings. Don't worry about what's going to happen god will take care of you. because he does have a plan and it will be carried out! he often leaves me guessing as well. he wants us to depend on him and to truely trust him. on of my friends Sam put it this way, if god answered all your questions, you wouldn't have a need to come back to him. and he desires daily fellowship with you. honestly, i have no idea what will happen in argentina or when i get back. all i know is that i feel and trust god has a definite plan and as long as i seek him he will lead the way.
"the Lord says, I will guide you along the best pathway for you life. I will advice you and watch over you." psalm 32:8
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